I asked incredulously.PHOTO_20150609_170458

She looked back at me, a little nervously. “I want you to tie me up,” she repeated.

I’d known she was kinky; she’d told me in great depth about her ex. Too much depth, to be honest… all about how he had introduced her to bondage, and how great that had been, and how everything had been different since.

That kind of thing is enough to make a man feel a tad insecure. And like most people with insecurities, I chose to ignore it and pretend it didn’t exist. But here she was, asking me to tie her up, something I knew absolutely nothing about, and I didn’t have a clue what to do or why she wanted me to do it. I stared at the white piece of cotton cord and felt like I’d been asked to climb a mountain with no training or supplies.

I gave it a shot. I fumbled the rope around her wrists, trying to knot it without it being too tight, and then tried to find something to tie the ends to. I figured I’d tie her spread eagled; that’s what they did in movies, right?

In movies, the lead male character is super suave and dominant and alpha and does everything perfectly.

That was not me.

I fumbled. I sweated. I messed around trying to get it done, and the erotic mood was completely lost.

In retrospect, her expectations had been a little unrealistic. You don’t hand a rope to a person who’s never used one before, say “tie me up” and expect him to miraculously know exactly what to do and how to do it and be a super sexy accomplished rope top.

But at the time, I was left feeling like a failure. Sure, I was good at the regular foreplay – but not at this thing that she was clearly very into and excited about. I knew she was probably comparing this experience to her times with her ex; and I was coming up short.

We gave up on the rope that day, and had more normal sex; but with all the frustration and tension, it wasn’t particularly good. I could tell she was disappointed, and I was insecure in a way I’d never been before.

So I did what I usually do when I find myself feeling insecure or lacking a skill that I wanted.

I resolved to get good at it.

I practiced, I studied, and I learned for years.

Now I want to push myself further, learn more, discuss more, and get even better.

So I’ve created a website for learning and discussion. I’m going to put the best of what I learn on here, and share it with others. This should help me to drive my learning; and if discussion happens or I get feedback, that will help inform and test my skills.