Blue has already been featured on this blog, in the post about silk or satin robes, which I highly recommend as a bondage accessory, by the way. And she’s going to be on the blog quite a bit more, so I thought it was time for an official introduction.
Over the past few years, I’ve lived quite the hedonistic lifestyle. It’s pretty amazing, looking back. I’ve been very open/poly in my approach to relationships, and this has resulted in tremendous amounts of fun and learning about relationships and what works and what doesn’t work for me.
Towards the end of October 2016, I had been having a bit of a break from all of that. Fun fact, that sort of lifestyle actually takes a lot of work and maintenance to do it ethically; you have to be honest with everyone, and you have to be very, very good at scheduling and keeping everyone’s needs met, including your own. I was definitely due some quiet time.
This was also a time where I was rethinking my approach to relationships. Over the past few years, I had stuck firmly to a poly lifestyle. Being poly had supported me to learn all kinds of things; and I had tended to be averse to ever returning to monogamy, because in my mind, monogamy fostered insecurity and possessiveness toward other humans, which was one of the least favorite things I had ever found in myself.
However, following the start of this nice quiet time (I realize my introvert is showing), I’d realized that that wasn’t necessarily true anymore. I had a really good grounding on appreciating different connections, whether sexual/non-sexual, intimate/non-intimate, and I had done a really solid job of teaching myself that I “owned” only myself; and that the connections I had or that my partner had other than what we had to each other certainly weren’t a threat to the connection between us.
So in this nice quiet space between relationships, I had been musing on that. Monogamy could viably be an option for me again, as could poly. This basically meant that I had even MORE options (greedy much?). What to call this frame? I wasn’t quite sure, but was leaning toward “relationship anarchy“.
Halloween is my favorite time of year; it’s also very close to my birthday, so I tend to wind up celebrating both at roughly the same time. I was invited to a Halloween party at my friend 32Bit’s house; and of course I said yes.
It was a good party. There were fun conversations, plenty of alcohol to go around, and a good cross section of open minded/kinky people, including 32Bit and her partner Davion. I wound up quite tipsy myself, in a circle of my friends, exchanging stories and laughter.
And, on the couch, facing the circle, was Blue.
Picture a beautiful, petite woman with large blue eyes and blonde hair. She was dressed in a black low cut goth dress and dark hose, and she sat quietly, smiling mysteriously to herself for most of the night. She didn’t tend to spontaneously contribute to conversation much, but seemed content to sit and listen and derive amusement from what was happening about her.
I’d previously met Blue a couple of years earlier; but we’d never really talked, and I’d only seen her around occasionally. Circumstances had never allowed for much conversation.
Tonight, though, I deliberately invited her into the conversation at one point earlier on, getting her opinion on what constitutes “a fling” as that was the topic of the conversation at the time. She responded along the lines of “a short length of time without a high degree of emotional investment” (paraphrased) – and I noticed that when she spoke, she did so very decisively.
There’s something intriguing about a quiet person who clearly isn’t that shy about their opinions, but remains quiet anyway. Makes you wonder what’s happening inside that head.
After the party, I added her on Facebook.
The next day, she asked for company to see Dr Strange; which to me was an opportunity to both see a new Marvel movie, and to learn more about this person. I responded to her invitation, and we arranged to meet up.
We watched Dr Strange (great movie, really enjoyed it) but the whole time, I was also confronted with this incredible attraction. As we conversed prior to the movie, I learned that my impression of decisiveness in thoughts and ideas had been accurate. She was not only intelligent, but educated, and she was socially minded; she’d been late to the date due to stopping to see if she could help when she came across an accident. She was logical (and if you don’t know how rare that is in humans, you haven’t been paying attention) and she had great legs, as well as this totally distracting perfume.
At the end of the date, we hugged, and our arms trailed against each other as we let go… and I knew that there was undeniable chemistry and attraction there.
So great first date. Then came about two weeks of messaging every day, as we basically interviewed each other, looking for the fatal flaw that would prove all that chemistry was some kind of trap. Then we interviewed each other’s friends (to be fair, we had a lot of the same friends anyway). Strangely, we both passed inspection.
Then we met up for coffee, and she spent a weekend at my place.
Things have moved very quickly since.
Important factors have included that she and I share a lot of the same values. We’re both open minded and kinky; we both hold strong views about how money should and should not be spent; we’re both introverts, to some extent; we both are into talking things through and into improving ourselves; and we both have logical temperaments. We’re both structured in how we approach things.
Very importantly, she greatly enjoys many of the same things that I do – this includes rope bondage – and she’s keen as beans to enjoy more bedroom bondage with me and also to get into suspension, which I’m planning to be doing a lot more of (as always, as I learn more, I plan to share a lot of it on this website).
In thinking about relationship styles, though, Blue is very monogamous right now. I don’t know if that will always be the case, but it certainly is now, and while I am open to change on that front, I certainly don’t expect it. She is making an effort to understand how intimate relationships of the poly/open variety work, but feels particularly monogamous in her thinking and emotions.
Where do I sit with this?
I’ve spent a good wee while thinking about it (and thank you Nic, for prompting me to expand on that here).
I feel surprisingly comfortable with it. There are probably multiple factors at play there – there usually are in any given situation, and almost nothing ever comes down to just one reason – but whatever they are, I simply feel enormously comfortable living monogamously with Blue. It doesn’t change my basic values; I’m still a huge fan of options in relationships, including those of open relationships and poly relationships. Should I wind up single again, those will remain options for me. Should Blue’s and my relationship dynamic change, and she wants to explore those things, I’ll be open to that. But should our relationship remain in this dynamic, I’m open to that too.
So yeah – I’m now living monogamously with Blue in my life, and you’re going to see more of her and of us as I continue to write. I suspect she’s going to be a major character in my life.
She says hi, by the way.